I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
