I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
