I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize