doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
