Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
