Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
