Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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