Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I want to make a zoo with you.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
we're so committed to being not committed
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
