my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
This is classic penis vs brain.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
