you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
