Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
