I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
