Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
