the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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