Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize