Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize