Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
