So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize