so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
