i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
