hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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