How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
