I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
