i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize