She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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