did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
