went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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