I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
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