can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
