i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize