i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
