BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
