FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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