Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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