Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
