he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Randomize
