Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
