Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
MIDGETS
????
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
