i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
