where am i from again
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
