Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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