Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
