She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
