so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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