Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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