I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
