Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
In other news, I just burned my penis
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
