How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
