Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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