Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
