ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize