Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
