i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just had sex on a roof
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
