Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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