It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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