I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
