my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
