I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
