I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
