You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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