sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
