I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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