You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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