I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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