just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
