Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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