I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
