my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
