no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
