I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
