Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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