she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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