What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
