Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
