He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Farmville is her only friend.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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