I hope mine doesn't look like that
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
